I saw that the front facing camera was used for pictures and I did nothing. I sat as the world began to use the term ‘selfie’ and I did nothing. I watched as the masses bought sticks to hold their phones for more elaborate pictures and I did nothing. I took my days as they came. I thought nothing of the world yet to be and now, now dear reader, it has come. Lenovo have announced a plug-in flash bulb for your phone, in order to take better lit pictures of yourself. It’d be naive to think that I could have stopped this, but the pain is still real.

Well, get ready to be perverted as hell because the Vibe Xtension Selfie Flash (their name, not mine) has arrived on the market. Packing eight white LED bulbs, a button on the rear to activate your camera’s shutter and enough juice to get you through 100 pictures of your own face, smiling endlessly at nothing but your own reflection.

Sigmund Freud’s On Narcissism suggests that narcissism is a sexual perversion, that it is sexual desire turned inwards rather than outwards. Which is interesting, when you think about it, isn’t it?

The Vibe Xtension Selfie Flash will be available from Lenovo online in Spring for around £20, which is no price at all for your dignity.

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Ten fingers, five senses, one man, loads of Chinese smartphones.

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